Ephesians 5:21 – 33
INTRODUCTION
Paul’s teaching on family life (Eph. 5:22 – 6:4) is a result of what he has already been teaching about the believer’s practical new life in Christ (Eph. 4:17 – 5:21). In Ephesians 5:18, Paul exhorted the believers to “not get drunk with wine, but to be filled with the Holy Spirit. In Ephesians 5:21, Apostle Paul explains that one of the main products of a Spirit-filled life in a believer is submission. The Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words explains that the word “submission” comes from the Greek word “hupotasso”, which is primarily a military term which means, “to rank under” (hupo, “under,” tasso, “to arrange”), and signifies (a) “to put in subjection, to subject, or (b) in the middle or passive voice, it means to subject oneself, to obey, or to be subject to.”[1] The Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature also explains that the other meaning of submission also “involves recognition of an ordered structure, e.g., toward a husband as it is used in Ephesians 5:22”.[2]
Looking at the definitions of submission provided above, “submitting to one another” in Eph. 5:21 might refer to (a) mutual submission among believers where each believer practically does nothing out of selfish ambition but is humble enough to unselfishly value other believers and putting their interests above personal interests (Phil. 2:3-8), or (b) it might refer to what The Expositor’s Bible Commentary puts it as “subordination to those considered worthy of respect, either because of their inherent qualities or more often because of the position they hold e.g., civil authorities, church leaders, parents, and masters”[3]. The Apostle Paul has both contexts in mind when teaching on submission. The Expositor’s Bible Commentary adds that “though submission in Eph. 5:21 is grammatically attached to Eph. 5:20, its content coincides more naturally with what follows, and this is the reason why the verb “submit” in Eph. 5:22 is assumed from Ephe. 5:21, since no verb appears in Ephe. 5:22.”[4]
[1] W. E. Vine, Merrill F. Unger, and William White Jr., Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words (Nashville, TN: T. Nelson, 1996), 606.
[2] William Arndt et al., A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 1042.
[3] Kenneth L. Barker and John R. Kohlenberger, The Expositor’s Bible Commentary – Abridged Edition: New Testament (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Pub. House, 1994), 1404.
[4] Ibid., 1404.
LOVE AND SUBMISSION IN MARRIAGE
The Wife’s Responsibility (5:22-24)
5:22 – Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (ESV).
The “wives” Paul is talking about in this verse are certainly Christian women who are growing in their relationship with Christ. Paul wouldn’t call a wife who has no relationship with Jesus to this kind of submission. These are women who have dedicated their lives to being renewed in the spirit of their minds (Eph. 4:23), they have chosen to put on their new self in how they live in marriage (Eph. 4:24), they speak the truth (4:25), are imitators of God (Eph. 5:1), and are living wisely, making the best use of their time (Eph. 5:15,16). These are women who understand God’s will (Eph. 5:17) and are filled with the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18). Some of these women may be married to husbands who are not believers (1 Cor. 7:13-14;1 Peter 3:1-7), but they are all receiving the same exaltation of being submissive to their husbands.
When Paul calls a wife to submit to her own husband, it is a special and added submission on the mutual submission between them as believers. It is a kind of submission where a wife does not just put the interests of her husband before hers but recognizes the headship role that God has given to her husband in marriage (Eph. 5:23). It is to subject herself to her own husband, whom she considers to be worthy of respect because of the role Christ has given him. Therefore, in a marriage where a husband is not a believer, there is no biblical mutual submission (Eph. 5:21), but only submission of a Christian woman to her husband (Eph. 5:22).
Both Apostles, Paul and Peter, describe the submission of a wife as an “imperishable” or “unfading” beauty which is in contrast with beauty that “comes from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes” (1 Tim. 2:9-10; 1 Peter 3:1-6). The submission of a wife does not have “out of reverence for Christ” (v. 21) or “as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22) as the only motive, but Peter adds that it is an evangelistic tool for a wife who is married to a husband who is not a believer. Her husband, who does not believe the Word may be won over to Christ without words by the character of submission of his wife (1 Peter 3:1).
There is a difference in opinion among scholars on what “as to the Lord” exactly means. Others go for the understanding that it means that “the wife has to submit to her husband in the same way she submits to Christ.”[5] The problem with this kind of interpretation is that it doesn’t incorporate a woman who is married to an unbelieving husband (1 Peter 3:1-7; 1 Cor. 7:13-14). An unbelieving husband is darkened in his understanding and alienated from the life of God (Eph. 4:18) and his character might include living in falsehood (Eph. 4:25), anger (Eph. 4:26), corrupt or foolish talk (Eph. 4:29), and getting drunk with wine (Eph. 5:18). Apart from an unbelieving husband, we might also have what Paul describes as “of the flesh” or “worldly” husband who is “a mere infant in Christ” (1 Cor. 3:1). This is not the kind of a husband a believing wife would want to submit to in the same way she submits to Christ. Other scholars look at this phrase “…as to the Lord” not in the sense of a wife submitting to her husband in the same way she submits to the Lord, but rather that her submission to her husband is her service rendered “to the Lord” (cf. Col. 3:18).[6] This is a more likely interpretation of what Paul is trying to communicate in this verse (Col. 3:18-21). The difference is that in Colossians, Paul uses the phrase, “as is fitting in the Lord.” The Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words explains that primarily, the word ‘fitting’ in the Greek means “to have arrived at, reached to, pertained to,” and came to denote “what is due to a person, one’s duty, or what is befitting.”[7] Paul is telling wives that submitting to their husbands is fitting, befitting, convenient, and proper for them in accord with their new life in Christ. By their submission, they are fulfilling their duty as disciples of Christ.
[5] Grant R. Osborne, Ephesians: Verse by Verse, Osborne New Testament Commentaries (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2017), 192.
[6] Harold W. Hoehner, “Ephesians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 640.
[7] W. E. Vine, Merrill F. Unger, and William White Jr., Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words (Nashville, TN: T. Nelson, 1996), 55.
One great example of the use of “as is fitting in the Lord” is in Eph. 5:3-4:
But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. (Eph. 5:3-4 – NASB)
In the example above, filthiness, silly talk, and coarse jesting “are not fitting”, but rather giving of thanks “is fitting” in the Lord. Submission of a wife to her husband is proper or fit for a wife to do, and it is her duty as a disciple of Christ.
5:23 – For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior (ESV).
In this verse, it is important to note that the husband who receives and benefits from this submission as “head of the wife” is not only a believing husband but a non-believer as well (1 Peter 3:1-6; 1 Corinthians 7:13-14). This implies that the headship of the husband is founded in the order of creation, and this was before the fall in Genesis 3. How did a husband gain the privilege and responsibility of being the head in marriage?
The answer to this question is in the explanation of God’s order of creation. When God was creating man, Adam was formed first (Gen. 2:7). God made a helper for Adam, Eve, out of one of Adam’s ribs (Gen. 2:21), and she was perfect for him. In defense of the headship of the husband, Paul summarizes this creation order in this way:
- Adam was formed first, then Eve – 1 Tim. 2:13.
- Man was not made from woman, but woman from man – 1 Cor. 11:8.
- Man was not created for the woman, but the woman for man – 1 Cor. 11:9.
These points are a clear indication of God’s intentions in creation, where he made a husband to be the head, and no wife should take this privilege and responsibility away from him. He is the firstborn in the creation order. The New American Commentary, when dealing with 1 Timothy 2:13, explains that “the designation of Adam as “formed first” reflects the Jewish practice of primogeniture, where the firstborn male inherited a double portion of the inheritance and the responsibility of leadership in the home. Paul’s point was that Adam’s status as the oldest carried with it the leadership role (in marriage and family), suitable for the firstborn son.”[8]
Christ is head over the church because He is the firstborn of all creation (Col. 1:15-20). The fact that Christ is the firstborn of all creation speaks to his supremacy over creation, not to His being created. “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible,” (Col. 1:16). He does not only have the supremacy in creation but also in resurrection and in everything (Col. 1:18). He is God’s firstborn Son and the church ought to submit to him as the head, just as a wife does to her husband who in creation is the firstborn in relation to the wife.
[8] Lea, Thomas D. and Griffin, Hayne P., 1, 2 Timothy, Titus: The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman Press, 1992), 101.
“…his body, and is himself its Savior (v. 23).”
The Greek word for body is “sōma” and it refers to the entire physical person, living or dead, but can also be used to indicate a unified group of people, such as the church.[9] (Eph 4:4; Romans 12:4-5). All believers in Christ form one body, called “The Body of Christ” or “The Church.” One of the greatest blessings the church gets to enjoy in submitting to Christ is the Salvation and Eternal Life obtained through the atoning death of Christ on the cross as Savior of his own body. Therefore, the call to submit is not really a burden for the church but a joy, looking at the blessings that result from this submission (1 John 5:3). Submission of a wife to her husband is not a burden, but a call to a blessed life.
5:24 – Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands (ESV).
Paul not only calls wives to submit to their husbands but adds that they are to submit in everything. Paul not only applies this principle of submitting in everything to wives only, but also calls children (Col. 3:20) and bondservants (Col. 3:22) to obey in everything. When Paul tells wives to submit in everything, he is not ignorant of the fact that some of them are a mixed couple of Christian and non-Christian relationships (1 Cor. 7:12-16), some are carnal Christians (1 Cor. 3:1-3), and he is also aware of the fact that those who marry do face many troubles in this life (1 Cor. 7:28). Why is he insisting then that they submit in everything?
Notice in this verse that wives are to follow the example of the church in submission. The submission of Paul and other Apostles (representing the church) to Christ in the preaching of the gospel is seen in how they commended themselves in endurance, in troubles, hardships, and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments, and riots; in hard work, patience and kindness, etc., (2 Cor. 6:3-10). Paul himself confessed that he was ready to submit to Christ not only in imprisonment but even in death (Acts 21:13). Now, death is the final point of submission, just like Paul wrote in Philippians that,
And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (Phi. 2:8 – ESV).
Paul in his second letter to Timothy says that “Therefore I endure everything (troubles, hardships, distresses, beatings, imprisonments and riots, etc.,) for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory” (2 Tim. 2:10 NIV). The word endure here refers to “staying in a place beyond an expected point of time while others go away or to maintain a belief or course of action in the face of opposition.[10]” Instead of fleeing from trouble, affliction, or persecution, Paul chose to stay, endure, or submit to all kinds of affliction because of his choice to submit or rank himself under the authority of Christ (See also Heb. 12:7). The response of Peter helps us to even understand this better. Peter responded to Jesus that,
[10] William Arndt et al., A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 1039.
“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life (John 6:68
Peter’s response also defines the true character of submission of the church towards Christ and is exactly what the wife must possess. In her pursuit to honor God’s established order, she chooses to commend herself in moments of hardship, disagreements, distress, opposition, trouble, affliction, or persecution within the marriage. A submissive wife endures all trials of submission in marriage in reverence to Christ as she puts herself under the authority of her husband, who is the head. She does not flee or quit but chooses to stay or submit.
If the wife’s definition of submission is just in saying YES or NO to an instruction from her husband, there is no way that she will be able to submit in everything. But if her definition of submission is built on ranking herself under the authority of her husband, she will be able to submit to her husband in everything. When a husband who does not fear the Lord tells his wife to do something that doesn’t honor Christ, a wife can disobey her husband, face the consequences of not obeying, but continue to put herself under the headship of her husband.
This subject of submission is not for non-Christian wives but for Christian wives who are striving daily to grow in their relationship with Christ (Heb. 5:11-14). We always need to remember that “the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God” (1 Corinthians 1:18-31).
The Husband’s Responsibility (5:25-31)
5:25 – Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (ESV),
Some scholars argue that the reason why Paul devotes twice the space to the husband’s obligation to love as he does to the wife’s obligation to submit is that it is harder for many husbands to overcome their self-centered tendencies than it is for their wives to do so, and therefore, they become the focus of the rest of Paul’s discussion. [11] While this might sound practically true for most husbands, it’s better to look at things more positively.
The husband is the head of his wife and the entire household. He needs more attention so that he can handle his responsibility well with a proper biblical understanding of what it means to be the head in marriage. Most of the problems that happen in marriage today are caused by men who enter marriage without proper biblical counselling, and therefore, have no idea of what it means to be the head in marriage. In this verse and the other verses to follow, Paul will focus not necessarily on the right of headship of a husband but on his responsibility as head.
Notice that the husband in this verse is called to love his wife following the example of Christ, which clearly indicates a Christian husband. There is no way a non-believing husband can be called to love his wife as Christ loves the church. An unbelieving husband lord it over their wife (bossy), but a believing husband needs to follow the way of Christ, which demands that he becomes a slave of his wife (Mark 10:42-45; Matt. 20:25-28).
Jesus told his disciples that,
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45 – NIV).
As head of the church, Christ has demonstrated his love for the church in salvation. Paul divides this salvation into three parts: Justification (5:25b), Sanctification (5:26), and Glorification (5:27).
[11] Grant R. Osborne, Ephesians: Verse by Verse, Osborne New Testament Commentaries (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2017), 196.
Justification
Christ has demonstrated his love for his bride through Justification, which is a term that refers to God’s action in accepting Jesus’ atonement as sufficient to warrant the acceptance of human beings as righteous even while they are still sinful.[12] Talking about the acceptance of sinners by God, there has been a huge debate among scholars on the subject of “Limited Atonement” which is the view that Jesus’ death secured salvation for only a limited number of persons (the elect), in contrast to the idea that the work of the cross is intended for all humankind (as in “unlimited atonement”).[13]
Though these arguments exist, it is clear from this passage of Ephesians that Christ didn’t just die a general death on the cross, hoping that one sinner somewhere will end up believing in the reasons of his sacrificial death, but he died for his bride, the church. His sacrificial and atoning death on that cross had a purpose, and it is this purpose that Paul wants husbands to learn from. Paul shows us in this passage that our salvation is a marriage context between Christ and the Church.
For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ (2 Cor. 11:2).
Imputation is one of the theological terms that is used to describe what Christ did to express His love for his bride, the church. Wayne Grudem, in his Systematic Theology, explains that “when Adam sinned, his guilt was imputed to all men; therefore, all men sinned (Rom. 5:12, 19); when Christ suffered and died for the sins of his bride, the bride’s sin was imputed to Christ, and he paid the penalty for it. In Justification, we see Christ’s righteousness imputed to his bride, and therefore God regards the church as righteous because of the righteousness of Christ” (Rom. 5:17; 1 Cor. 1:30; Phil. 3:9).[14] Christ endured the cross, despising its shame, and he did all this to express how much He loves his bride, the church (Heb. 12:2; Isaiah 53; John 3:16).
In the beginning of this letter to the Ephesians, Paul explained how God the Father chose the bride for his son before the foundation of the world (1:4) and Christ himself purchased his bride in redemption through his blood (1:7). The bride of Christ was dead in trespasses and sins (2:1) but received salvation by grace through faith in what Christ had done for her (2:8). Paul’s prayer for the church is for the church to know and understand the love of Christ for the church and to be able to comprehend what is the breadth and length and height and depth of this love that surpasses human knowledge (Eph. 3:18-19). As much as this love is very complex for the human mind to comprehend, it must be a husband’s prayer to be able to understand how much Christ has loved his bride, the church, and be able to comprehend the breadth and length and height and depth of this love so that the husband can do the same for his wife. Adam, who is a type of Christ (Rom. 5:14), couldn’t protect his wife or take her place but left her alone in her condemnation. He failed to stand up in love as an advocate for his wife and the propitiation for her sins (1 John 2:1-2) but stood as an accuser of his own wife (Gen. 3:12). Christ is the direct opposite of Adam!
The Lexham Theological Wordbook explains that “the verb ‘to love’ (agapaō) refers to a kind of love that expresses personal will and affection rather than emotions or feeling.[15]A Christian husband can express this kind of love to his wife in various ways. Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book, The Five Love Languages, points out that “Acts of service such as cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes, changing the baby’s diaper, all require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy, and when done with a positive spirit are indeed expressions of love.”[16]
In most African marriages, a husband would generally struggle to express love towards his wife using certain “Acts of service” such as cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes, or changing the baby’s diaper, simply because it is culturally unacceptable for a husband to do certain things, especially when the wife is around and in good health. It is believed that there is a division in terms of roles and responsibilities. Following the example of Christ, a husband, especially an African husband, must learn to abandon certain cultural teachings, values, worldviews, and principles regarding marriage. He must take a towel, pour water in a basin, and wash his wife’s feet (John 13:1-17). He must not live day to day with a culturally based expectation that his wife serve him, but must always find better ways to love his wife through “Acts of Service,” even if that means going against cultural norms. Biblical worldview and values must be the standard for every marriage.
[12] C. Stephen Evans, Pocket Dictionary of Apologetics & Philosophy of Religion (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2002), 64.
[13] Stanley Grenz, David Guretzki, and Cherith Fee Nordling, Pocket Dictionary of Theological Terms (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1999), 72.
[14] Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994), 726 – 729.
[15] R. P. Nettelhorst, “Love,” ed. Douglas Mangum et al., Lexham Theological Wordbook, Lexham Bible Reference Series (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2014).
[16] Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, (Chicago: Northfield Pub, 1992), 38 – 116.
Sanctification
5:26 – that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, … (sanctification).
Christ did not just love his bride to the point of her being declared righteous even though sinful, but his love is progressive in nature. The Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary explains that the “biblical use of the term ‘holy’ has to do primarily with God’s separating from the world that which He chooses to devote to Himself.”[17] Paul uses the verb ‘sanctify’ (Greek – hagiazō) to describe the divine act of Christ setting aside his bride as sacred.[18]
The act of God setting aside that which he chooses to devote to himself is a special act of love. We can see this from the love story of God and Israel. God set apart Israel from the other nations to be holy to him, belonging to him only in a special marriage covenant (Lev. 20:26; Hosea 2:2). Israel provoked her husband to jealousy many times with her idols and provoked him to anger with her high places (Ps. 78:58). Because God loved Israel, he set her apart by giving her the Law which differentiated the way Israel lived from the other nations. The setting apart was not necessarily in terms of physical distance, but it was about Israel submitting and living for her husband, which the other rebellious nations didn’t do.
When Jesus prayed to the Father concerning her bride (the church), he didn’t ask the Father to take her out of the world but to sanctify her (set her apart from the world) through the “Word” which is truth, and to protect her from the evil one (John 17:15-19). Jesus wants his bride (the church) to be set apart because he loves her, and she belongs to him alone. Apostle Paul told the Corinthians that drinking the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons at the same time was a direct way of provoking Christ to jealousy (1 Cor. 10:21-22). God instructed Israel to distinguish between the holy and the common, and between the unclean and the clean (Lev. 10:10). God had put a law to do with the cleansing of a leprous person, in which he who was to be cleansed had to ceremonially wash his clothes and bathe himself in water (Lev. 14:8).
Paul, in Ephesians, is linking the symbolic ceremonial cleansing by water to the true spiritual cleansing by the Word (John 17:17). The motive for this cleansing is love, and the goal is for the bride to be sanctified or separated for her husband alone. She is sanctified to “no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of Christ because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart (Eph. 4:17-18). The call is for the bride of Christ to live no longer for herself but for her husband, who for her sake died and was raised (2 Cor. 5:15).
Christ is jealousy for his bride and wants to protect her from the world. That’s the reason why when He ascended on high,
He gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints (the church) for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes (Eph. 4:11-14).
It’s not a bad thing for a husband to be jealous of his wife. It is an act of love that every husband expresses, which must be properly understood. In the Old Testament, God instructed Moses to take care of a husband who was jealous of his wife.
If any man’s wife goes astray and breaks faith with him,…and if the spirit of jealous comes over him and he is jealous of his wife,…the priest shall set the woman before the LORD…and shall make her take an oath,…and drink the water of bitterness that brings the curse (Numbers 5:11-31).
One of the main causes of divorce in marriage is adultery (Matthew 19:9) and there is no better way a jealous husband can protect his wife if it is not by separating her for Jesus. A husband must learn to love his wife with the truth and protect her with the truth of God’s Word. As much as pastors and teachers can teach in the church, it is a husband who has the primary responsibility of teaching his wife the Word of God so that she can be faithful, first to Christ and then to her own husband, sanctified in the truth and protected from the schemes of the devil. This is true love that a jealous husband can offer to his wife. This is the best way for any husband to separate his wife for him alone, to sanctify her.
[17] Cabal Ted, “Holy,” ed. Chad Brand et al., Holman Illustrated Bible Dictionary (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers, 2003), 772.
[18] “Holiness,” ed. Douglas Mangum et al., Lexham Theological Wordbook, Lexham Bible Reference Series (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2014).
Glorification
5:27 – so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish (glorification).
In the Old Testament, the Israelites were instructed to not sacrifice an animal that had a defect, was lame or blind, or that had any serious flaw, for that was considered as detestable to God (Deut. 15:21). Similar to this scenario, the bride of Christ is being presented to Christ in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. Dr. Osborne explains that the image here is “that of a lovely bride on her wedding day as she goes in procession to meet her groom. Paul’s eschatology in this verse focuses both on the present and future, but especially the future, when the church will be made radiant.”[19] On the actual day of the marriage, the church is the center of every eye because of her appearance. Her glorious appearance reflects the work of Christ in justification and sanctification. She will be like the moon that does not produce its own light but reflects the light from the sun. Her glorious appearance will be a testimony to how much her husband has loved her.
The glorious appearance of every wife is a public testimony of how hard her husband is working to present her as glorious, without spot or wrinkle, both in the inner beauty as well as outside beauty. It was not right for Adam to blame the wife for eating the forbidden fruit (Gen. 3:12), neither was it right for Abraham to blame the wife for the birth of Ishmael and the conflict it brought in his family (Gen. 21:9-12), nor for king Ahab to put the blame on the wife for the murder of Naboth (1 Kings 21:15-19). A husband must always learn to assume responsibility over the success of the marriage, as well as its decline. This is what it means to be HEAD!
A submissive wife is a product of a husband’s hard work in teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that she can become, first, submissive to Christ and then second, to her husband (2 Tim. 3:16-17). Many husbands rush for counseling when they are having problems of submission with their wives, forgetting that it is their job to teach their wives the truth and help them to be submissive to God’s word. One of the worst decisions a husband can make during a marital conflict is to send his wife back to her parents so that she can be instructed. It is not the parents’ job or anyone’s job, if not the husband’s, to produce a woman who is submissive to her own husband, and at the end of the day, it is he who gets to enjoy the fruit of his labor. If you are a husband and a Christian, I want you to know that your wife is your very first disciple among thousands of disciples that God will bless you with. She won’t be glorious if you don’t make her glorious.
There are two qualifications for an elder or pastor in the church that are paired together and shouldn’t be separated. First, an elder (pastor) must be able to teach, and second, he must manage his own household well. If he does not know how to manage his own household well, how will he care for God’s Household – the church (1 Tim. 3:4-5)? Taking into consideration some special cases, generally speaking, a woman’s submissive character is a manifestation of love and good leadership from the husband, and her lack of submission is also a manifestation of failure in love and leadership on the part of the husband. A husband who doesn’t want to work hard in the Word of God to establish his wife in submission and his children in obedience is not fit for the position of an elder (pastor) in God’s Household (the church).
[19] Grant R. Osborne, Ephesians: Verse by Verse, Osborne New Testament Commentaries (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2017), 199-200.
5:28 – In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Paul wants husbands to know that, beyond loving their wives as Christ loves the church, their wives are their own bodies. When it was the turn to create the woman, God had to make Adam fall into a deep sleep and took one of his ribs and made the woman from the rib He had taken from Adam (Gen. 2:21-22). The woman in this case would be defined as man’s bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh (Gen. 2:23). Therefore, when a husband loves his wife, he is loving himself because they are but one flesh.
5:29 – For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
Paul is saying that when a husband loves his wife as his own body, there is no way that he can hate her because it is practical that he does not harm his own body but feeds it and takes care of it. How might a husband’s actions be considered as hate towards his wife?
Divorce
Divorce is one of the actions of hate that a husband expresses towards his wife. Jesus said that the only reason why Moses allowed the children of Israel to give a certificate of divorce and send a wife away was because of the hardness of their hearts (Matt. 19:7-8) but the union of husband and wife in marriage must not be broken by anyone, neither the wife nor the husband (Matt. 19:6). The Lexham Theological Wordbook explains that the verb ‘hate’ (miseō) in this verse refers “to strongly disliking or having aversion toward someone or something that usually results in separation between the one who hates, and the thing hated. It also explains that in the New Testament, hating (miseō) is often contrasted with loving (agapaō), and generally implies separating oneself from that which is hated either by physical separation (Luke 19:14) or cessation of actions, thoughts, or ideas (Rev 2:6).”[20] The same verb ‘to hate’ (Hebrew – śānēʾ) appears in Malachi 2:16 with the same meaning:
The man who hates and divorces his wife, says the Lord, the God of Israel, does violence to the one he should protect, says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful (Mal. 2:16 – NIV).
Every husband must understand that his wife is his own body, and divorcing his wife is hatred towards her. The key to overcoming divorce is unconditional love, which is the exact opposite of hatred.
[20] Adam Robinson, “Abhorrence,” ed. Douglas Mangum et al., Lexham Theological Wordbook, Lexham Bible Reference Series (Bellingham, WA: Lexham Press, 2014).
Physical Beauty, Infertility, and Polygamy
Jacob had two wives, Leah and Rachel. The Bible says that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah (Gen. 29:30). The first possible reason could have been physical beauty or appearance, as we read from Genesis that “Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance” (Gen. 29:16-17 – ESV). The second possible reason could have been barrenness because “When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb,” (Gen. 29:31 – ESV), and she gave birth to Reuben. After that, Leah said, “…now my husband will love me” (Gen. 29:31-35 – ESV). The third possible reason could have been polygamy itself because Jesus said that “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate (miseō) the one and love (agapaō) the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Matt. 6:24 – ESV). Polygamy was a common practice in Jewish history as much as it is a common practice today. It is pure hatred towards a wife and unfaithfulness or adultery within the constitution of marriage.
Depriving the Wife Sexually
A husband needs to give his wife her sexual conjugal rights because he does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does. Failure to do this, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time in devotion to prayer, is hating his wife (1 Cor. 7:3-5).
There are many other ways in which a husband may demonstrate hate towards his wife, including physical and emotional abuse, not treating his wife in an understanding way, not treating her with honor as a weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7), and Paul is saying that he is not to do that because his wife is his own body. This is serious to the point that a husband’s prayers might be hindered for not treating his wife in a good manner (1 Pet. 3:7).
5:30 – because we are members of his body.
This verse is an expression of the reason Christ cannot hate the church, no matter the weaknesses of his bride. It’s simply “because we are members of his body”! Christ is the savior of his own body, gave himself up for his body to sanctify it, wash it, until it is without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. Therefore, whatever Christ does for the church, he ultimately does it for himself. It is by grace that we become members of the body of Christ through faith. And this is not our own doing but God’s precious gift to us (Eph. 2:8). Looking at all that Christ does for us as members of his body, it is such an honor to be a member of the body of Christ. Every husband needs to make sure that his wife feels honored to be one flesh with him, looking at all the blessings that await her.
5:31 – Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
This verse is a continuation of Eph. 5:28, where a wife and husband are one flesh (Gen. 2:23). This is an application of the one-flesh union between a wife and husband. The Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament helps us to understand that the verb to ‘leave’ here is a Hebrew word ‘ʿāzab’ and the basic meaning of ʿāzab is clearly seen in its literal use where it has three distinct emphases: to depart, to abandon, and to loose.[21] A person can leave behind persons, places, and objects. It also explains that the Hebrew word for cleave, “dābaq, is used quite often in the Old Testament of physical things sticking to each other, especially parts of the body.”[22] The word “dābaq also carries the sense of clinging to someone in affection and loyalty.” [23] In this context, leaving and cleaving refers to a man departing from the affection of his parents and the loyalty to his parents to cleave to his wife in a marriage covenant. As a son, he lived in obedience and submission to his parents and received affection from them. Once he leaves and departs, he learns not to receive affection but to give it away in loving his wife and to be the head of his wife as the wife submits to him and also brings up his own children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4).
The Vines Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words explains that “About 50 times, “flesh’ represents the “physical aspect” of man or animals as contrasted with the spirit, soul, or heart (the nonphysical aspect)[24]. In the context of Adam and Eve, becoming ‘one flesh’ literally meant one flesh in the sense of the meaty part plus the skin of men (Gen. 2:23), and for the rest of mankind, it remains only a principle of total and inseparable unity between wife and husband as persons. “This unity can be expressed in many different areas such as in areas of finances, physical oneness in sexual union, oneness in parenting, and also oneness in faith”[25], etc.
The ‘one flesh’ union between Christ and the church involves the whole process of salvation, and it has three applications of the church being one with him: positionally (justification), progressively becoming one with him in conforming to his image (sanctification), and future perfect oneness (glorification). It is important to note that it is part of the husband’s duty as the head to make sure that this ‘one flesh’ union with his wife is permanent and nothing destroys it (Matt. 19:4-6). There are cases where a marriage partner who is not a Christian decides to separate herself from her husband and the husband is not enslaved in this case (1 Cor. 7:15). Even in the history of the children of Israel, we can see that it was God’s love and faithfulness as a husband, that sustained the marriage relationship with Israel, as his wife, in times of adultery or unfaithfulness. Christ also sustains the ‘one flesh’ union with his imperfect bride, the church, and Paul confirms this by saying that “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:38-39). This is the reason why the love of the husband for his wife must be unconditional, or Agape love, just as Christ loves the church.
[21] Carl Schultz, “1594 עָזַב,” ed. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999), 658.
[22] Earl S. Kalland, “398 דָּבַק,” ed. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999), 177–178.
[23] Earl S. Kalland, “398 דָּבַק,” ed. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999), 178.
[24] W. E. Vine, Merrill F. Unger, and William White Jr., Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words (Nashville, TN: T. Nelson, 1996), 84.
[25] Clifton F. Morris, “The Genesis Family: Family Life Lessons, From the Garden to Goshen” (Fernandina Beach: Wolfe Publishing, 2001), 18-25.
Concluding Remarks on Marriage (5:32-33).
5:32 – This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
It is debated among scholars concerning the meaning of the “profound mystery” and what it refers to exactly. The Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words defines the word ‘mystery’ here as the Greek word ‘musterion’, and in the New Testament it denotes, not the mysterious (as with the English word), but that which, being outside the range of unassisted natural apprehension, can be made known only by divine revelation, and is made known in a manner and at a time appointed by God, and to those only who are illumined by His Spirit, and hence the terms especially associated with the subject are “made known,”[26] The “profound mystery” revealed in this verse is the “one flesh” union between a husband and wife and its relationship to the union between Christ and the Church. The ‘one flesh’ union of a husband and wife in marriage can only be fully understood in Christ, and those who are not in Christ cannot understand it.
[26] W. E. Vine, Merrill F. Unger, and William White Jr., Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words (Nashville, TN: T. Nelson, 1996), 424.
CONCLUSION
5:33 – However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Paul summarizes his teaching on marriage by reminding the husband of his responsibility to love his wife and also the wife’s responsibility to respect her husband. He does not use the word ‘submit’ but uses the word ‘respect’, which is “the Greek word ‘phobeō’ and in the Septuagint, the translators generally represented all the different Hebrew words for fear by using phobeō or phobos. It refers to fearing physical danger (Matt 14:30), fearing social ramifications (Matt 1:20), fearing the wrath of God (Luke 12:4–5), or feeling reverence and respect for God (Luke 18:2, 4; 23:40; Acts 10:2).”[27] In this context, Paul is not implying that a wife must respect her husband because she is afraid of the wrath of her husband. Paul’s focus is on the expression of reverence that she needs to have for him as her head.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
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